Sometimes I just want to run away. Right now, that's what I want to do. I am really stressed out right now. Jacob is getting ready to go out of town for 8 days and I just don't know how to deal with it right now. I have been trying to get someone to cover my shift at work for 2 weeks now and no one will do it. So basically that means I have to leave Spence at my parents and get up an hour early to be to work by 630 in the morning on Saturday. Boo. It also means I am going to miss my BEST friend's baby shower. Sometimes I hate life.

Poll Question

Many of you are probably wondering why I have the poll question about coed bridal and baby showers. Well, lately Jacob's family has been doing them and I wanted to see what the general opinion was about them. I think they can be fun BUT I really enjoy the girls only ones because then you can get a little silly without the boys (although in Utah, it never really gets that crazy). I also don't like them because a lot of guys resist wanting to go anyway. And also, it makes it seem like it's a couples only type deal because what guy is honestly going to go to one by himself without a girl?
Mind you, we have had fun at said showers, but we also have had rude and hurtful things said to us at each of them.
At the first one, a guy said, "You guys are married? You don't even act like it. You don't even act like you love each other. I don't know how you two got together." Really? Who says that? And he wasn't even joking. I thought he might be, but nope, he was totally serious!
At the second one, I was eight months pregnant, had just worked at 630-3 shift (meaning I had to get up at 530), and was tired. Don't you think that at eight months pregnant and having to get up at 530 in the morning gives me the right to be tired and maybe even yawn a few times? Apparently not. Well, I was sitting on the couch watching them open presents, and as exciting as that can be, I yawned. I yawned because I was tired, not because I was bored. Apparently one of the ladies thought I was just too bored and felt like she needed to say something. From across the room, she says, "I'm sorry, are we boring you?" Excuse me? I'm freaking 8 months pregnant and running on little sleep. I'm sorry if I yawned!!! Also, I remember there were 3 of us who were pregnant at that shower. When one of the pregnant girls got up from her soft seat, one of the guys went over and took it. When she came back she said she wanted the seat back. He said, "I've got arthritis". Well, I'm sorry you've got arthritis but I'm pretty sure pregnancy trumps that one. I was so glad when the girl's husband said, "Well, she's pregnant so get out of that seat." I just remember how irked I was at that kid. It probably didn't help that my pregnancy hormones were raging. I'm pretty sure I cried the whole drive home after that shower and the previous one due to the things that were said to me.
Needless to say, these things have given me a not-so-positive memory and opinion of these showers. And, for future reference, when I get sisters in law, my mother in law and I will be the ones planning the showers, and we will not be doing co-ed showers.
So...what do you think?

Finally!

This is a picture of Spencer and I. I am wearing my Batman scrub top. I had to send in this picture for a picture board of people at work who breastfeed.

Well, Spencer has finally cut his first tooth! Yes, after a long awaited period of about 3 months, it happened. No, I don't have pictures. It's quite hard to try to get pictures of a baby's mouth.

You know what I'm sick of? I'm sick of people thinking that PP depression isn't real. All I keep getting is, Oh you'll get over it, or you'll snap out of it. Or, it's just Satan trying to get to you. Seriously. That's all I keep getting from people. I do agree that Satan works hard on mothers, but there is a real clinical thing called DEPRESSION. I just feel like nobody believes it, and everybody just keeps brushing it off. And you know what? The only people who truly understand are the mothers out there who know what it's like! Nobody else, especially dads, understands what it is like.

Haircut!

This is my new haircut. I cut off about 11 inches and this is the third time in four years that I have donated it. I cried for half hour when I got home because I feel like I look like a frumpy old mom. And I do NOT want to look like one of those.

Spencer's 9 Month Appointment

Here are Spencer's stats for 9 months:
Height: 27.5 inches (25%)
Weight: 17.1 pounds (5%)
Head circumference: 45 cm (50%)

Overall he is a pretty healthy boy! Dr Rose says he is one of the most alert and curious babies he's ever seen, but maybe he's just saying that. Spencer didn't cry at all when they did the finger poke for the hematocrit. Spencer's iron levels were a little low so we got sent to the main hospital lab for a re-draw. Dr Rose kept saying that with all the illness going around that maybe his bone marrow is just suppressed. WHAT?! That is a naughty thing to say to a nurse! Anywho...we made the trek to the other side of the hospital after a short visit with my peeps on family birth place. I think I hated it more than Spencer. He didn't even cry when they poked him with the big needle until they started pulling back to get the blood. They did give him a cute teddy bear with scrubs on for being such a good little guy. One of the lab techs recognized me from my stint on family birth and talked with me a bit.

Onto school matters...this nursing management class is kicking my butt! It's a good thing it's not very integral to my nursing knowledge. I have passed all the other courses with flying colors but this one is a doozy. It's all just too boring!

Tonight in institute my teacher made me very sad. He was saying something about a lesson we should have just had in Sunday school. No one said anything and he said, "What? Don't you go to church?" I felt totally bad because I have not been to Sunday school in like 2 1/2 years. I really like this teacher and have taken 2 other classes from him. But lately, all I feel when I leave is guilt. Guilt and shame and worthless. I feel like I'm never going to be good enough because I'm not doing all the things I should be like studying the scriptures in depth for at least 15 minutes daily. Seriously, should an institute class make you feel this crappy?

You know those songs that just bring up certain memories when you hear them? Well I had one of those moments tonight. For some reason, Beer For My Horses by Toby Keith and Willie Nelson conjures up memories of my time as a sweeper at Monte Vista. Probably because it was on my mp3 player and I always had it playing while I did my job. And when I heard the Hawaiian version of Over The Rainbow, it brought back memories of a certain someone. Crazy what music can do! I learned that violin music can make a plant grow twice as fast and can change its chromosomes. Maybe I should whip mine out and play for Spencer!

Thanks for letting me rant. Sometimes I feel like this blog is my outlet other than my regular journal.

So lately I've been struggling a lot with a lot of things...

However, I love precepting on labor and delivery. I wish I could work there!

You know it's bad when you are secretly glad you have to work on a Sunday just so you don't have to go to primary. I like the kids individually but all together it's a little much. I pretty much hate going to primary. I dread it every week. I haven't been to relief society in 2 1/2 years and I think I would like to go back eventually. I want to be able to go to Sunday School with Jacob and hang out with him and all the other parents who have babies in the gospel principles class.

Anyway..that's my schpeal for today!